Been a tough couple of days. You know the old "straw they broke the camel's back" story?
My wife's car shut down about six weeks ago. And when I say, "Shut down, I mean SHUT DOWN."
Fortunately for me (I wouldn't have liked the idea of her being stranded) it was when I had taken it to the store late one night and came out to find a car that was D E A D.
A soulless air of nonexistence. It was weird. When I sat in it I felt like astronauts must feel in the all encompassing nothingness of space, without the awe and wonder.
Then, if by some sort of Ground Control magic, after about ten minutes it started up like ne'er a problem.
She took it in to the dealership the next day. They looked it over all day and came away with one conclusion. She wasn't driving it enough.
I'll let you form your own opinions on that last statement. Anything you come up with as a response will be just as good as mine. Yours may even be cleaner than mine and more appropriate for all audiences.
Over the next several weeks it was still acting buggy. After these weeks I finally took it in again yesterday. Thinking perhaps the actual problem with the last transaction was a case of the male chauvinist ego I thought I'd fair better being a fella who "knows how to drive a car."
The quotes are important as I'm being overtly sarcastic.
I admit I went in with a chip on my shoulder but I played the part of a happy go lucky husband with just enough stern tone to let the service man know I wasn't pleased.
They shuttled me to work and seven hours later they said they couldn't find anything wrong.
Then, some equipment at work gave me a run for my money. Everything began to mount on top of me in a way that felt suffocating and I could see reason and rational giving me the see you later head nod. I collected myself.
Later I was shuttled back to the car and went home.
Then I had to find some sort of head space to finish up the last touches on the new pitch video for the documentary contest being entered this coming week.
All the sadness rushed back over me to realize that the dear sweet man I knew whose story is being told in the film has passed on from this life.
I got up this morning heavy. But I put my game face on as I had a meeting with my partners and a table full of creative people from the music, film and art world.
It was a good meeting as we all pooled our ideas and artistic sensibilities together to help a local artist work toward a project that could change the world we live in. I sat in this room with people who wanted truth in art over all else. It was good.
As soon as the meeting was over I was back to the heaviness. The reality that the pitch video was not right and had to be scrapped came over me and I knew it would be a long haul to make the deadline. That, accompanied with the wedding we were to attend this afternoon an hour away from home let me know that today wasn't going to be the day this mountain is taken.
Again with game face affixed I conversed with strangers, told jokes and talked about the goings on of life. But I wasn't present for most of the reception. Save one beautiful conversation with a seventy-one year old widow who graciously answered my questions about growing up in America as a black woman.
When my wife and I left the reception Beckie allowed me to be heavy again. She gave me the space and understanding I needed. So, again, I give #thisiscrazylove2016 to my bride. I could not do anything in this life without her.